I am …

I am not my mother.
Or the mother before her.
I am not like another.
I am not the lies I have believed in secret.
Or the ones still screaming my name in broad daylight.

I am not defeated.

I am not lost.

I am the pieces I have gathered,
Flame tested,
made ever stronger amongst the ash.

I am the lessons I have watched
Unfold before me,
The ones that still leave
The taste of blood in my mouth.

I am battle tested,
A collection of scars,
Redeemed and made beautiful,
Over and over and over again.

I am a universe,
A love story,
Stitched together by grace.

I am relentless.
I am hope.

cswhitlow

Shattered

Shattered like stained glass

Scattered across such unforgiving ground

Price paid for a reckless rebellion

Elbow deep in abandoned hope

She sifts anxious

Through bloody shards and dust

Searching, digging, scavenging

For just one piece

The one,

That will reflect the Light back in.

The one,

That always reminds her

why she should

Stand and fight again.

cswhitlow

Afraid

I am afraid of her…

She whispered.

 

I am afraid of falling,

And I am afraid of the standing still.

 

I am afraid of staying numb forever,

Unmoved and frozen in worn out armor,

And I am afraid of the exposure,

Of catching fire under a blinding sun.

 

I am afraid the roots of loneliness

Have grown too far-reaching,

Too deep to be torn to the surface,

And I am afraid my love

is a storm tossed ship lost at sea.

 

I am afraid these broken pieces

Left behind from so many sorrows,

Are too sharp for innocent mortals,

And I am afraid I don’t quite recognize myself

When whole and happy.

 

I am afraid of all that’s hidden inside me…

The passion, the hate, the wild wind,

The sorrow, the overwhelming joy,

The untapped ocean depth,

And I am afraid it can no longer stay contained.

 

I am afraid…

And I am choosing to be brave.

 

cswhitlow

Watch it Burn 

Light the match.

Fan the flames.

Watch it burn….

 

That girl you used to be.

The weakness soaked in excuses.

The regrets that have paralyzed.

The fear you’ve danced with too long.

The demons that wrestle against your resolve.

The bridges that keep you shackled,

To a place that no longer knows your name.

 

Light the match.

Fan the flames.

Watch it burn.

 

And rise.

 

cswhitlow